So we had classes 3 and 4 this past Saturday. I wanted to write on Sunday but I am still at a loss on what to write about it. I came out after 6 hours and still was able to explain little to friends at dinner that night. I don't know if it is because often times the things they say cause my brain to go off on its on tangent or if its too heavy for me sometimes. Probably both. Jerry is really enjoying it and really feels he is learning a lot - which I am very happy for.

They talked about abuse and neglect that leads children in to state care and the long lasting effects it can have, and how it can cause emotional and behavioral issues and learning disabilities. They didn't really go in to why - I mean, you think to yourself, of course I know why. But I know, for example, that doing basic things for babies will make them trust you. My sister told me to feed my nephew because then he will learn to trust me because he identifies me as someone who meets his needs. That makes a lot of sense to me - but the instructors stopped short of saying that. They read a story about two babies, one who cried and his parents came running and one who cried and didn't get a response. Long story short, the first baby learns the world is loving and trusting and the second baby learns the opposite. Basically it was like, birthparent does X, baby learns Y. If X is neglect or abuse, Y will result in behavior, emotional, learning disorders. But WHY. I think its odd that DCFS sends me to a class to learn about this stuff and I learned more feeding my nephew.

Which leads me to my next point. They gave an example of a couple that wanted children but couldn't have them. Lets say, me and Jerry. This couple has friends/family who have children. Lets say Robin and Eric. So in their example me and Jerry are there for Robbie and Erin's important events, we spend time with them, visit them, play with them, babysit them. Does this prepare us to adopt? Their contention is no, it does not. Robbie and Erin have two parents that love them, a mom that stays home with them, they bonded and attached normally, their development is on schedule (or ahead), etc. So I can not expect children like Robbie and Erin. I couldnt say this in class, so I am going to say it now...NO EFFING DUH. Do people really go in to this thinking that the kids they will adopt will be Robbie and Erin? Seriously???

But even so, I have learned so much about what an attachment should look like by watching those kids - you think you know what normal is and should be but it puts a new perspective on it watching it up close (normal can be such a subjective term but you know what I mean). And having seen a normal and loving attachment, I think I am prepared to understand what that means when that doesn't happen. I think it makes me more compassionate and more willing to work with the child because man, shouldn't every kid get the love and support and affection that Robbie and Erin get? No, I don't know *exactly* how the child will react, behave, misbehave, etc in a given situation. But give me constructive tools and methods that have worked in other situations - don't just tell me to seek a therapist, talk to the school, keep in touch with the foster family. All of that is fine, but I need to sit in 27 hours of class to learn that?

It turns out my very perfect nephew did not adjust to his new sister as smoothly as could have been hoped. And its been a tough year for the poor guy (though his sister smiles no matter what!) but watching him, and listening to my sister's trials and tribulations, and her conversations with other moms have been utterly enlightening. Good thing I actually have someone I can actually learn from.

Now let's just hope she babysits.