First day

So we had our first day of PRIDE training this past Saturday. I was going to write about it except that I am not really sure I can relate what it was about.

There are 9 sessions in total, two every Saturday (except obviously the last, which is one). This past Saturday we had session 1 from 9:30 - 12:30 and session 2 from 1:30 - 4:30. A very ridiculous amount of time during session one - i want to say about half of it - was spent introducing ourselves and determining the rules for the training (when we'd take breaks, that we'd keep individual stories confidential, etc). The instructors were very nice - middle-aged, experienced no-nonsense sort of women who always had a funny quip or story. Both had children of their own, and both fostered and adopted. One was currently a social worker. They told us that they would be taking notes to make sure we were participating. They would be taking notes on SPECIFIC people to report back to our caseworker. So you have to ask questions and you have to talk. Which, as a teacher I think is a nice tool to get people to talk. But also, as a former student, and a returning student, I know that sometimes you just have nothing to say! I personally like to draw and doodle while I am listening to lecture that doesnt require note taking. As backwards as it sounds, it helps me focus. But now I am afraid to get marked off or something. I think that my caseworker has a good idea of me and Jerry and I dont want to give these instructors a bad idea.

After we spent an hour and a half discussing how the next 27 hours would go, we took a break. Then watched a video about a family with two fosters - a kid who was in foster care and then returned to his father, and a kid who was adopted. There were people in the room who had fostered before (but in other states, so they needed an IL license) who said it was typical. We arent really supposed to discuss specifics but it was like an after-school special so you get the idea.

The second session was no better. We watched another video (and yes, they are 90's era so the haircuts and outfits are like bad flashbacks) about how the birth parents react to the foster system. Most of them said in the beginning it was the worst day of their lives when their children were taken away, it was all so horrible, then they got clean and got their kids back and now they are one big happy family - birth parents, foster parents, social worker and kids. Not really what I expected for many reasons. Then we talked about everyone's role in the life of the child and how they can help the child.

It was exhausting mentally and emotionally because when you are sitting there watching these videos and then listening to the discussions after, you immediately think about the impact on your own situation. Its easy when thinking of your own hopes and dreams to forget about the true impact on the child, and even if you constantly remind yourself about the true impact on the child. The reality, the actuality of it all is much heavier.

Jerry is much more pragmatic and *dare I say* optimistic about it. He thinks we need to keep an open mind and get through it and not draw an inferences until its all over, and until we can talk to our caseworker again. For once I am going to put my hard-headedness away and just trust him. But dont tell.

Skool

So Jerry and I start our classes this Saturday. Its from 9:30am - 4:30pm with an hour break for lunch. I've heard mixed reviews on it overall. Jerry is actually looking forward to it because he wants to learn about these children and tips and tools. We both are looking forward to meeting other parents in our area who are adopting from foster care as well.

I am not so optimistic about the curriculum though - its making me think of the pre-cana we had to do for the church before we got married. Though supposedly tailored to our situation - old and living together - it still was almost too general to be effective. It gave pointers on how to talk about money and chores - if we are engaged and haven't talked about that stuff yet, we are in much bigger trouble. It was taught by an "inter-faith" couple - a Catholic and Lutheran - which made me raise an eyebrow. First of all, calling a Catholic and a Lutheran "inter-faith" is like saying an H2 and a Chevy Suburban are different cars - the inconvenient truth is that an H2 is just a Hummer shell on a Suburban chassis. My point is this - Catholics and Lutherans are pretty much the same except for that whole pope thing. Secondly, even if we let the poor Lutherans have their own religion, why is a Lutheran teaching a class required by the Catholic Church for Catholic couples?

I'm worried that because it is a general program for oodles of parents run by the government that it might be too general and I will have a hard time relating. Also, I wonder how much of it will be the "feed your child at least every 14 hours" and "do you have running water" and "you have to buy the kids their own clothes," that we have already encountered. Will all of the materials be old photocopies from the 80's? Think of government literature you get for anything - the census, lead paint disclosures, tax forms, the bizarre videos in the airports about security. Will the whole thing be a bad PSA? I picture videos of parents and children sitting on steps wearing bad 90's clothes laughing and chatting. I don't know where this image comes from. Remember the driver's ed videos? Those things were from the 70's and i took drivers ed in 1993!

Yes, this is a piss poor attitude. Maybe now that I am the instructor of a general education course that is required its making me think. I work hard so my students will stop staring with glazed over eyes and drooling in their boredom, some actually making me think they have learned to sleep with their eyes open. So I will be a good student and go with an open mind, and hopefully will be singing the praises of the training by Saturday afternoon.