Kid Shopping

Last Wednesday was our final meeting with our social worker! The purpose of the last meeting is to discuss Jerry and I as a couple and what we want for our children. "Not to be a goof" is apparently not a good enough answer.

She asked questions about how we met and how long we have been together, why we feel we get along so well and such. Then she asked what values did we want to instill in our children, what kind of people did we want them to be. That's not a simple answer! You cant just say, "to be good people" either. They want you to elaborate. I think we are pretty much in line with what we want and we both struggle with the same thing, and that is how to have a kid that appreciates stuff. Nowadays kids get so much crap - toys and clothes and video games - the consumerist society that we live in really has changed the way kids grow up. I had friends who had everything and friends who had nothing and those, like me, who were in between. Part of it was really unconscious though, besides my parents telling me not to be a goof it was also growing up in a working class neighborhood and watching my parents work hard and save and do the best they could. I think we are doing the same. At least I won't have to worry about setting a good example when it comes to school...

So she said she is approving our license - and we will get it in the mail in 2 - 3 weeks. The actual license is different than the home study - which were all these meetings and trainings and everything. She has to write that up and make it an official report. Also she is tidying up the file, making sure we have everything and what we did submit looks good. When we do see kids we're interested in, their social worker will get this home study and can help determine if we are a match. The home study won't be completed for 4 - 6 more weeks. So about the beginning of August it will all be in place and if we had children in mind, theoretically we could then start the process then and potentially have kids in the home before the holidays.

But none of it is ever that easy, and we are switching agencies so that will add some time. So we really have no time expectations yet. Kind of like getting or being pregnant - ONLY I CANT EAT MORE!!!!

Illinois - dont say the "s" or we'll kick your a"ss"

so May 22 was our last class. it really was 2 hours of nothing. people brought donuts and bagels and we had a "presenter" who was there to talk about medical benefits and mental health services. but instead if describing who she was, where she worked and what the state had to offer, she launched in to details as if we already had children and were familiar with the system. whatever. by that point i was just so ready to be done with the classes, and thank you Theresa for having a giant party for us later that night (May 22 was also her wedding day - SO beautiful and SO much fun!).

We met another couple who was with a different agency that had quite different information than we had. This was common throughout the training - no two agencies seemed to have the same information. With the exception of one very important detail - Illinois adoptions. We had been told that adopting in Illinois was exceptionally complicated because the state very rarely terminates parental rights. The goal is always reunification with the parents, which we understood. We would have to be willing to foster first, and if the child became eligible for adoption during that period, we would be given the opportunity. But at any time the child could be reunited with their parents. There is a six month waiting period before the child can legally be adopted anyway, regardless of where the child comes from. The difference with out of state adoption is that the parental rights of those children have already been terminated - in most other states its a lot easier and faster to do that. Compounding this, according to our agency (LCFS), is that in Illinois children must be placed within the zip code they come from. So depending on where you live, there could be lots of kids or you could wait years for kids. And so our social worker said that we could wait a long time, and then the kid could never become eligible for adoption. Good for the kid! I am happy they will be reunited with their parents. But we are trying to build a family and so this is contrary to our goals.

I asked our trainers what was the deal with this zip code thing, and if it was true. They looked at me like I was crazy. They said that they do try and keep children close to the areas that they come from, and that there are certain neighborhoods that are targeted for foster family recruitment. This is because in certain neighborhoods the amount of children needing homes far outweighs those available, and they don't want to have to additionally burden a child with such a dramatic change. Feel how you want about it, its just the way it is. So I asked specifically, i am in Des Plaines, am I limited to kids from Des Plaines - further, we have two zip codes so I am I limited to my section. They said no - unless my part of Des Plaines has been classified as a target zone and I am willing to take a child from somewhere else, I can.

So we had lunch with another couple that day and they told us they were very surprised to hear about this whole zip code thing - they had been offered a new baby from 20 miles away from where they lived! They gave us the card from their social worker (from UCan) and we called her - and she confirmed it. Their social worker said they try and keep children within 10 miles of where they came from, but like our trainers said the zip code thing is for target zones. The termination of parental rights issue was correct - but children come from different homes. A woman who has had 5 kids all taken away and is now giving birth to her 6th probably will not keep the baby. It sounds harsh but its a good example. She said she could place children with us that are on a path to adoption - while she can never guarantee they will be adopted, we can minimize risk.

So after all the training was over we called our social worker and told her all we had heard. She maintained the whole same zip code thing. She also kind of seemed defensive, and Jerry got the impression she was telling us if we wanted to go elsewhere, go ahead. But its hard to change agencies right in the middle of everything - and LCFS has no obligation to hand over our file. So the social worker from UCan suggested we complete our licensing with LCFS, and once we have a license to giver her a call and it will be much easier that way. It will set us back a month or two, but in the whole great scheme of things that's nothing. The whole point when we decided to adopt from foster care was to give a home to child that didn't have one - but we really felt tied to our community and wanted to help someone here. Not that other kids didn't need help - but if we don't help our own community, who will?

So we had two meetings this week, one on one with our social worker. We decided not to tell her we are switching. She now says she is very excited to complete our home study. I wonder if they get commissions on placing kids from out of state. Anyway, the meeting was about our family history. Just how many times I've moved took a page! She also did a bit of a family tree - but to save paper I'm sure did immediate only. In two weeks we will have another joint meeting with her and thats it! She writes up the home study and we get our license. The writing up of the home study takes two months I think - so it looks like we will be licensed by the end of August.

Then on to the new agency...