We got a phone call today from our caseworker at Catholic Charities to schedule our first interview. We are going at 4pm on Monday, Nov 9. We have to bring the paperwork they sent us, and she said there will be more as well. She'll also go over the process with us, how to get all the paperwork together, to do the home study, etc. I guess we will also find out exactly what the process entails.
So I'm not having the best week. My job is making me mental, my car gets towed, Skipper gets in to the Halloween candy and then pukes wrappers on my bed and Jerry drills a hole through his finger - literally. As I type this Skipper is insisting that I pet him - not Jerry, me. He is in the midst of Shed-athon 2009, by the way. Jerry is howling at him to get him to bark - which he has done exactly three times since we got him in February. It makes me worry sometimes about being a good parent when we are clearly in need of some parenting ourselves.
We adopted Skipper from the Buddy Foundation in Arlington Heights. We saw puppies and pretty poodles and 40lb average dog. And then this guy comes lumbering in the room, with his cross eyes, dry nose and meth mouth. They weren't sure how old he was - anywhere from 7 to 12, but probably 10 and 90lbs. He is half lab/half golden they say, but looks like he has some hound in him. And he just leans on me, leans on Jerry and is just so happy to be petted. We felt like he adopted us. He's a really good dog but has shown his mischievous side: he jumped over the 3' gate, bit a skunk, loves to run through the garden when its wet, insists on sleeping between us in bed and wakes me up at 5:30 every morning because he wants breakfast. He sticks his nose in my face and then licks me, and if I roll over he starts whimpering until I get up.
It sounds ludicrous I know, but it really gave us hope and inspiration to adopt children. Its this big huge long process and can really feel overwhelming at times. But Skipper is a sign I think sometimes, that its all going to work out.
As long as Jerry doesn't drill a hole through anything else.
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Check #935
Today we received our intake packet from Catholic Charities. I think it means our initial application was approved, but I'm not really sure. We received some forms - consent for services, DCFS Rights & Responsibilities for Adoptive Parents, Maternity Adoption Department Rights & Responsibilities and an Adoption Service Agreement. It all looks like required paperwork - just the tip of what I feel will be mounds of paperwork. Our initial application was pretty thorough - names, dates, relatives, references (so, uh, if someone calls you just tell them I'm such a good mommy to Skipper that I can try humans now). $275 fee. They wanted birth certificates too - and marriage. And a photo of us and "any animal that is large." Skipper in, the skunk he bit is out.
We are asking the home study to approve us for up to 4 children. We'd like a sibling group - we would definitely refuse to break one up which is why we are getting approved for so many. I think 2 or 3 would be nice. Jerry calls it "family in a can." Jen will call it insanity. Robin will call it babysitters.
I started reading the consent for services, which is specific for "intercountry." Why did we choose Poland people ask. Jerry is from there but more importantly I would now have some mini-translators to tell me every single time Jerry's mom calls me fat. Jerry came here when he was 11 and he could help them transition - he would be perfect. His father still lives there and would love grandchildren he could speak to. Poland is a signatory to the Hague Treaty, which basically states that they will do what is best for the child first and foremost, and will exhaust all possibilities in country before they send the children abroad. But still, is living with us in the US worth ripping them from their country, extended family, language, culture, etc. I'm not exactly walking distance to Belmont & Central (though at present there are no less than 4 Polish flags in my house, 3 actually from Poland). I do, however, think in all honesty we could give them a great home without them having to severe from their culture. And since Babcia lives across the street, we got it in the bag.
But it nags at me that there are so many needy children in my community. If we adopt a child in the US from foster care (non-infant adoptions are almost always from foster care) we can provide continuity for a child in Cook County. We take a child out of the foster care system and give them a forever home. Their extended family will probably be near and any siblings if adopted separately (preference is given to adoptive parents in a close geographical region). Any foster home or foster siblings would most likely be near. If they are Cubs fans they can still be Cubs fans. If they are Sox fans well, too much continuity is overrated.
The costs associated when adopting a child from foster care are way less, and federal and state government offer different kinds of aid. International adoptions are not eligible for aid. It makes sense - the US government is also a signatory to the Hague Treaty, and they will take care of children inside of their own foster system first (and AIG, Bank of America, Big Auto, people who didn't buy fuel efficient cars, first time home buyers...really why don't they offer aid for international adoptions???). Aid comes in the form of monthly subsidies for special needs children, Medicaid and college scholarships and grants.
But its not about the aid its about the child. It all comes down to are we doing the right thing by going overseas. To say Polish children would be ideal because of X reason or American children would be better for Y reason makes me a colossal douche. Its not up to us to decide the worthy. Its up to us to find the children who were meant to be with us.
But shreezus would I love it if I had more than just Jerry telling me what everyone is saying all the time.
We are asking the home study to approve us for up to 4 children. We'd like a sibling group - we would definitely refuse to break one up which is why we are getting approved for so many. I think 2 or 3 would be nice. Jerry calls it "family in a can." Jen will call it insanity. Robin will call it babysitters.
I started reading the consent for services, which is specific for "intercountry." Why did we choose Poland people ask. Jerry is from there but more importantly I would now have some mini-translators to tell me every single time Jerry's mom calls me fat. Jerry came here when he was 11 and he could help them transition - he would be perfect. His father still lives there and would love grandchildren he could speak to. Poland is a signatory to the Hague Treaty, which basically states that they will do what is best for the child first and foremost, and will exhaust all possibilities in country before they send the children abroad. But still, is living with us in the US worth ripping them from their country, extended family, language, culture, etc. I'm not exactly walking distance to Belmont & Central (though at present there are no less than 4 Polish flags in my house, 3 actually from Poland). I do, however, think in all honesty we could give them a great home without them having to severe from their culture. And since Babcia lives across the street, we got it in the bag.
But it nags at me that there are so many needy children in my community. If we adopt a child in the US from foster care (non-infant adoptions are almost always from foster care) we can provide continuity for a child in Cook County. We take a child out of the foster care system and give them a forever home. Their extended family will probably be near and any siblings if adopted separately (preference is given to adoptive parents in a close geographical region). Any foster home or foster siblings would most likely be near. If they are Cubs fans they can still be Cubs fans. If they are Sox fans well, too much continuity is overrated.
The costs associated when adopting a child from foster care are way less, and federal and state government offer different kinds of aid. International adoptions are not eligible for aid. It makes sense - the US government is also a signatory to the Hague Treaty, and they will take care of children inside of their own foster system first (and AIG, Bank of America, Big Auto, people who didn't buy fuel efficient cars, first time home buyers...really why don't they offer aid for international adoptions???). Aid comes in the form of monthly subsidies for special needs children, Medicaid and college scholarships and grants.
But its not about the aid its about the child. It all comes down to are we doing the right thing by going overseas. To say Polish children would be ideal because of X reason or American children would be better for Y reason makes me a colossal douche. Its not up to us to decide the worthy. Its up to us to find the children who were meant to be with us.
But shreezus would I love it if I had more than just Jerry telling me what everyone is saying all the time.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
In the beginning
Jerry and I are adopting children. Well, trying to anyway. We've finally submitted our application to Catholic Charities, and now we must wait. Skipper is very excited to be a big brother (ok, he is excited to have more people to pet him anyway). I wanted to write this blog to keep everyone up to date - and hopefully inspire others.
It was not how we thought it would happen, but something out there wanted it this way. What are the odds of us ending up together with my lack of uterus and his lack of sperm. When you meet someone online, there is no box to check for reproductive ability (although some of those ads make you wonder). I knew about my condition from a young age - and it even has a fancy name: Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome, MRKH for short. How could a name for the absence of something be so long??
I'm not sure that is what they called it 16 years ago when I was 14, but since then doctors have confirmed for me that I do get to claim that sexy title. I'll never forget the day I got the diagnosis - the doctor came in my room, announced to me that I had no uterus, I would never have children, but adoption is an option. My mother wasn't even in the room with me. What kind of doctor would do that? Especially after undergoing so many tests - including chromosome. How painfully awkward are you at 14 and they tell you they have to make sure you are really a girl! Fear not, I passed (though my siblings may sometimes wonder). My mom says I didnt really process it, I was more worried about the impending rain storm and the fact I wouldn't get to pitch at the softball game. It was a hard thing to accept, and it took me many years, but I found out so early. To me it seemed lucky - some women think their whole lives all is well and don't know about their own fertility issues until its too late.
But poor Jerry - he didn't know until we went to the clinic. They told me the good news that I had two healthy ovaries and the likelihood of eggs was excellent. We were very happy with this news - I had been told time and time again that I only had one (but I guess when you pay what we were paying, they find the other one!). Jerry had to be, well, analyzed but we just thought it routine and began looking into surrogates. It was not routine. He had many tests as well, including the chromosome test that was so humiliating for me at 14 (he passed too). But every thing came out normal. Non-specific blockage. Poor guy, he doesn't even get a cool name. Just something to do with blanks.
It's not impossible for us to have a biological child. For about $50-60k Jerry could have a biopsy, they could remove the sperm, test & store it, 'mature' it if its not already, remove my egg, store it, mix it and then implant it in to a surrogate who would charge us $30 - 40k. If we were loaded, it might be possible. But we aren't and it begs the question: why? Why go through all of that just to have a child that is genetically related to you? Any baby mama can tell you that DNA a parent does not make.
Therefore, we are left only to believe that we were brought together because there are children that need us. Not just a home but ours in particular. They need to pet Skipper and play playdoh pisketti with Robbie and have Babcia and Honey love them to death. They'll get the greatest biggest craziest family that will love them like the Schroeder-Mouritsen-Zmuda's they really will be.
And so we Googled - I mean, its 2009 - how else were we to find out how to do it? We had looked into adopting here and in Poland and hadn't really made up our minds. My reading and searching led me to a bulletin board where a man named Michael was talking about adopting his son from Poland. He was 10, one year younger than Jerry when he came here. He left his email address and although the post was a year old, I emailed him anyway. Michael emailed and then called me and was really open about his experience - and even more so he was very encouraging. (And of course we are Facebook friends now) He had adopted his son through Catholic Charities. We contacted them, went to an orientation and just knew. We submitted the application package two weeks ago.
Now we wait. But its weird - I look at the basement now and think, there could be two kids sleeping there this time next year. At least we got a bigger boat for them...
It was not how we thought it would happen, but something out there wanted it this way. What are the odds of us ending up together with my lack of uterus and his lack of sperm. When you meet someone online, there is no box to check for reproductive ability (although some of those ads make you wonder). I knew about my condition from a young age - and it even has a fancy name: Mayer-Rokitansky-Kuster-Hauser Syndrome, MRKH for short. How could a name for the absence of something be so long??
I'm not sure that is what they called it 16 years ago when I was 14, but since then doctors have confirmed for me that I do get to claim that sexy title. I'll never forget the day I got the diagnosis - the doctor came in my room, announced to me that I had no uterus, I would never have children, but adoption is an option. My mother wasn't even in the room with me. What kind of doctor would do that? Especially after undergoing so many tests - including chromosome. How painfully awkward are you at 14 and they tell you they have to make sure you are really a girl! Fear not, I passed (though my siblings may sometimes wonder). My mom says I didnt really process it, I was more worried about the impending rain storm and the fact I wouldn't get to pitch at the softball game. It was a hard thing to accept, and it took me many years, but I found out so early. To me it seemed lucky - some women think their whole lives all is well and don't know about their own fertility issues until its too late.
But poor Jerry - he didn't know until we went to the clinic. They told me the good news that I had two healthy ovaries and the likelihood of eggs was excellent. We were very happy with this news - I had been told time and time again that I only had one (but I guess when you pay what we were paying, they find the other one!). Jerry had to be, well, analyzed but we just thought it routine and began looking into surrogates. It was not routine. He had many tests as well, including the chromosome test that was so humiliating for me at 14 (he passed too). But every thing came out normal. Non-specific blockage. Poor guy, he doesn't even get a cool name. Just something to do with blanks.
It's not impossible for us to have a biological child. For about $50-60k Jerry could have a biopsy, they could remove the sperm, test & store it, 'mature' it if its not already, remove my egg, store it, mix it and then implant it in to a surrogate who would charge us $30 - 40k. If we were loaded, it might be possible. But we aren't and it begs the question: why? Why go through all of that just to have a child that is genetically related to you? Any baby mama can tell you that DNA a parent does not make.
Therefore, we are left only to believe that we were brought together because there are children that need us. Not just a home but ours in particular. They need to pet Skipper and play playdoh pisketti with Robbie and have Babcia and Honey love them to death. They'll get the greatest biggest craziest family that will love them like the Schroeder-Mouritsen-Zmuda's they really will be.
And so we Googled - I mean, its 2009 - how else were we to find out how to do it? We had looked into adopting here and in Poland and hadn't really made up our minds. My reading and searching led me to a bulletin board where a man named Michael was talking about adopting his son from Poland. He was 10, one year younger than Jerry when he came here. He left his email address and although the post was a year old, I emailed him anyway. Michael emailed and then called me and was really open about his experience - and even more so he was very encouraging. (And of course we are Facebook friends now) He had adopted his son through Catholic Charities. We contacted them, went to an orientation and just knew. We submitted the application package two weeks ago.
Now we wait. But its weird - I look at the basement now and think, there could be two kids sleeping there this time next year. At least we got a bigger boat for them...
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