First day

So we had our first day of PRIDE training this past Saturday. I was going to write about it except that I am not really sure I can relate what it was about.

There are 9 sessions in total, two every Saturday (except obviously the last, which is one). This past Saturday we had session 1 from 9:30 - 12:30 and session 2 from 1:30 - 4:30. A very ridiculous amount of time during session one - i want to say about half of it - was spent introducing ourselves and determining the rules for the training (when we'd take breaks, that we'd keep individual stories confidential, etc). The instructors were very nice - middle-aged, experienced no-nonsense sort of women who always had a funny quip or story. Both had children of their own, and both fostered and adopted. One was currently a social worker. They told us that they would be taking notes to make sure we were participating. They would be taking notes on SPECIFIC people to report back to our caseworker. So you have to ask questions and you have to talk. Which, as a teacher I think is a nice tool to get people to talk. But also, as a former student, and a returning student, I know that sometimes you just have nothing to say! I personally like to draw and doodle while I am listening to lecture that doesnt require note taking. As backwards as it sounds, it helps me focus. But now I am afraid to get marked off or something. I think that my caseworker has a good idea of me and Jerry and I dont want to give these instructors a bad idea.

After we spent an hour and a half discussing how the next 27 hours would go, we took a break. Then watched a video about a family with two fosters - a kid who was in foster care and then returned to his father, and a kid who was adopted. There were people in the room who had fostered before (but in other states, so they needed an IL license) who said it was typical. We arent really supposed to discuss specifics but it was like an after-school special so you get the idea.

The second session was no better. We watched another video (and yes, they are 90's era so the haircuts and outfits are like bad flashbacks) about how the birth parents react to the foster system. Most of them said in the beginning it was the worst day of their lives when their children were taken away, it was all so horrible, then they got clean and got their kids back and now they are one big happy family - birth parents, foster parents, social worker and kids. Not really what I expected for many reasons. Then we talked about everyone's role in the life of the child and how they can help the child.

It was exhausting mentally and emotionally because when you are sitting there watching these videos and then listening to the discussions after, you immediately think about the impact on your own situation. Its easy when thinking of your own hopes and dreams to forget about the true impact on the child, and even if you constantly remind yourself about the true impact on the child. The reality, the actuality of it all is much heavier.

Jerry is much more pragmatic and *dare I say* optimistic about it. He thinks we need to keep an open mind and get through it and not draw an inferences until its all over, and until we can talk to our caseworker again. For once I am going to put my hard-headedness away and just trust him. But dont tell.