Classes 5 & 6 this week, and we had a presenter filling in for our normal instructor. She was really great and funny, and the time passed pretty quick. Oh and they let us out early because its Mother's Day weekend. I suppose because I got home so early that Saturday I left Skipper no chance to go out and get me a Mother's Day present. But he made me some in the back yard, and dug a 3rd hole. You can now see about 18" of the deck footing... that dog is SO lucky he's cute!
So its Tuesday and here is what I remember from the class. We talked FOREVER about time outs. I consulted with my sister and she said that, in fact, the way they taught us and the way she does it is the same, and it has the desired effect on my nephew. When I asked my nephew what he thought about time outs and if they were effective, he furrowed his brow, frowned and said, "no." We also talked about spanking - you have to sign a bunch of stuff saying that you wont use corporal punishment. Besides time outs they have a lot of other techniques like talking it out, seeing psychologists, getting them involved in sports, etc. Let me say that I totally agree that violence begets violence, but I chuckled to myself thinking what my grandpa would think of all this. He once whacked my sister with a broom for saying "fart."
Anywho, there is a list of things you have to agree to in regards to punishment besides not hitting. You cant take away a meal as punishment (*believe me* coming from my family i would NEVER get between someone and their food). So they then pose the question, can you take away dessert? Not if it is a regular part of the meal. If after every dinner you have dessert, you cant take it away. But if its something you only do once in a while as a treat, then you can. But not on a holiday (which is, once in a while and a treat) because probably every body is gorging on pie and cake and candy and you can't single the kid out. For a program that is so general, this is very specific! But it all goes back to the homes they come from, where most likely food was used as a punishment, or not eating was part of their neglect, etc. But still, the threat of no pie has very coercive effects on me!
Digesting the info has not gotten easier. Especially since they keep talking about fostering and keeping the birth family involved. Next Saturday they say that we will talk about adoption. That I am looking forward to, and I hope that there will be some new information. I can't imagine that it will be easier, but at least it will be directly applicable to our situation. We'll see!
Ok, so WHY can't you withhold the pie? I can see not withholding the actual meal or to even threaten it to a kid that may or may not have EVER had regular, nutritious meals. But to say "shape your shit up or no pie tonight"? Reminds me of when Eric and I got REALLY pissed at Robbie for being such a turd about getting out of bed in the morning and we told him he had to use the toilet, get dressed and get downstairs before Dad left for work or he'd get bread and water for breakfast. Would be be in trouble for that? lol
ReplyDeleteRE: time-outs. Really, we just happened to have landed on the current combination about 5 weeks ago. It DOES work (for us, anyway) when done exactly like that. I wish I had had your handout two years ago. Woulda saved me from cleaning up a lot of pee out of that corner.
RE: broom. I didn't just say "fart"; I was screaming the song "MISSY FAAA-AAA-AAARTED, MIIIIISY FAAA-AAA-AAARTED". And my cussing ass was angrily swept from Papa's back porch. Classic.